i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
