the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
