Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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