Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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