FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
