I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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