Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
