That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are we still banned from the library?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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