is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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