My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
