Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
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