you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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