Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
