the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
