Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
