Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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