doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
