you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
