so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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