Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
