you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
