Christians are straight up FREAKS
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
