shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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