My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
