I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
