oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
porn star boner night. come get it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
