take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
