I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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