bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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