I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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