I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
