I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
