he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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