So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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