I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
