It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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