My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
