Got a toothbrush?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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