She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
