He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She needs sedatives and a leash
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
