I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
