Just fell off a train. Bad.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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