I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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