I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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