im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
