He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if only i could text you this smell
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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