I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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