Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
