sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We don't watch enough power rangers
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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