I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
