Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
