Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
