i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i came on her dog
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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