at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
