i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
