I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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