Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize