umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We are all done wearing pants today
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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