I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
