At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
