Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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