just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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