I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
