How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
