u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
