there's paper in my vomit.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
