Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
