I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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