I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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