you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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