Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
