FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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