im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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