That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
