If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
