this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
