She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
worst night to have a conscience
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
