I have demons in me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
