The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
