Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
how drunk are you?