Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I think this conversation is over.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.