i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.