I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
