the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
