Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
