So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
