I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs